Why Kids Are Suffering Today

Reading this article has been such a revelation and if you're a parent that relates to my message it probably will be too!

Being sure that our kids need to be in personal inquiry has always felt logical and like the obvious answer when I think about what's missing for teens today. It's one of those things where I don't think I ever forgot what it's like to be a teen so I remember and relate.

This article helps explain why we need to be in personal inquiry and I'm so excited that it's researched and science based. Absolutely love the work Dr. Peter Gray is doing.

It's my view that if we know what the problem is this answers how to solve it.

Learning about Self-Determination Theory SDT and how, 'living in accordance with our own, internal desires and decisions' helps us 'perform better and live happier, more satisfying lives' holds the answer.

What I get is that as parents the more we help our teens connect with their internal desires to inform their decisions the more likely they are to find their way to a fulfilling life. Check it out...

Self-Determination and the need to teach the skill of personal inquiry

Yes, this is what we need more of and how do we teach them to get it? How do we guide them to come into alignment with our own desires and decisions? Well, I think it would help to learn how to be in personal inquiry to discover what those are!

That's what ShineOn™ and our Clarity Mapping tools are all about.

Being in personal inquiry, teaching it as a skill, is one of the critical tools that we can use to help our young people connect deeply with who they are and who they have the potential and desire to become. This can help guide and inform their decisions, their self-determination, and I'm convinced lead to more success and satisfaction in life.

3 Basic Psychological Needs

All this psychology stuff can get my mind spinning and it was a relief to learn what's at the heart of self-determination, because it was relatable and easier to understand.

The three basic needs all made sense... oh and I loved that they were explained as needs to experience,   since all too often we try to protect and do everything for our kids and some things we just can't. Oh and more importantly if we try to do them for them... we only delay or stunt their development. 

These three things explain a lot about why our teens need to break free from us.

1. Autonomy
2. Competence
3. Relatedness

This article does a brilliant job of explaining these needs and I love that it makes the case for the child's needs to experience these things. It's critical and very helpful to think of the boundary we should be setting and respecting when our teens are growing and developing into adults. They need practice. They need to have these experiences to practice.

So far in sessions with young people I can confidently share that I've never met anyone who doesn't find the concept of self-direction appealing and worth experiencing. It's once we get into the work of personal inquiry that helps us navigate that things become challenging. For many teens it may be the first time that they experience autonomy or competence and even relatedness too. 

Then your REAL focus becomes offering encouragement and support. Telling them they can do big scary things. They'll got this. You can figure it out. You're smart. I know you'll make great choices. All great messages to keep them growing and developing with confidence.

Our personal inquiry method is called Clarity Mapping and it is a structured exercise of self-exploration. Many teens encounter feelings of insecurity and doubt because it's an empowering experience and that can feel scary especially if they aren't really used to having the opportunities of being responsible for making their own decisions fears creep in quickly. Then there's also the issue that the world doesn't teach exploration and experimentation as a good thing. The message is if you don't know something, you suck or have nothing to offer or just plain aren't good enough. These are the words I hear from teens all the time. Certainty seems to be the name of the game and that can be dangerous if you're not in alignment with your own path.

No wonder the teen years can be such a stressful and anxious time.

When you think about what your teen may be experiencing it may help to look at how much autonomy, competence and relatedness they get to experience and try to create more opportunities in those areas.

You can also consider enrolling them into one of our programs that would teach them the skill of self-direction with personal inquiry or as we like to call it, Clarity Mapping.

Reaching out to me on email, or private message on Instagram or Messenger. I respond to messages within 24-48 hours and would love the opportunity to discuss whether the ShineOn™ Experience is right for you and your teen.

Read the full article here ↓↓↓
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-learn/202203/why-kids-are-suffering-today